It is Me again!

Hello...How are you? I am doing well, thank you.....

Soooooooooo, my peeps.....I read me some nifty blogs....One I love is Torina. The other night I was reading her blog. She said her family would make a great comedy. I, myself, think I would be a dramedy...Too much wailing and gnashing of teeth at my house to be a comedy.....lol

I have a friend that fosters. She always has something fun going on at her house. She graciously watches my daughters until I get home on the nights my hubs bowls. She is truly good to my girls. She has a newborn and a 15 month at her house now along with her own almost 3yo daughter. Rosie tends to parentify herself with younger children. My friend and I have discussed and agree on the rules about her little ones. Rosie can talk to them and play but she can't physically touch them.

This really pisses her off. I know it does. I can see that it does. I have explained to her and we have discussed at great length that she is a kid and she is lucky enough to get to act like a kid. Marie is a teenager and has taken a babysitting class. She does not try to parent the children and therefore my rules don't have to be as strict with her.

Guess what? Do you see where this goes since my friend babysat for me tonight?

We live in an apartment complex. She was quite verbally aggressive with me. Not good after a long day at work...hehehe....I let Marie into the house and locked the door. I sat down in front of the door and laid my head against the door.....She demanded that I let her in....I calmly (yay me! The pills are working...hahaha) told her that when she was able to respectfully speak to me, we could go inside. She stood over me and told me she thought she was gonna puke.....I told her she had to do what she had to do....(in my head, I just pleaded with God to help her control this urge...because I would be puking too if she did that!)

God hear my cries....She relented because she didn't want the neighbors to know we travel on the crazytrain! I have to say...my older daughter has bipolar along with her RAD and when she is having an "episode" (our special word for her manic place) she doesn't care who is there to experience her train ride....Rose on the other hand, is ridiculously aware of what other people appear to think. It really can work in my favor. I know I can run errands with her no matter what because she doesn't want anyone to know about the crazytrain!

I don't like Ozzy Osbourne's music. To be honest, I have never really listened to his music. He has this song called "Crazy Train" in the chorus he says "i am going off the rales on a crazy train" Sometimes....I feel as though that is my life....so I made it my ring tone...Please, don't write me and tell me how horrible that song is....lol...that is the only part of the song I have ever heard....and the only part I plan on hearing AND it feels like me right now...hahaha...clearly the meds need to be upped....lol

She chilled long enough to get in the house and shower....She began again after that so Marie was already in bed so I shut my bedroom door and let her do what she had to do until she fell asleep.....She went to sleep quite quickly....Man, I know if I were her, I would be exhausted....She puts so much effort into pushing us away from her. Poor kid....She really is a sad little girl. I feel so badly about the fact that she is so dedicated to pushing us away....Lucky for her...I don't ever give up easily! I am nothing if I am not dedicated! I may stumble and I may royally screw things up sometimes....But in the end...I am totally dedicated to this family!

Lucky for all of you, that means tons of blogs to come....hahahhaha...If you all excuse me..I have to go watch TLC and the family with two sets of twins and a set of sextuplets! And I think I am overwhelmed!


And in case I don't say it enough or well...Thank you to all of my family and friends for your love and support! My mom, dad, sister, both bro in laws, sis in law, father in law and J, my brother and M, J and D, M.L. and the list goes on! Thank you all for what you do for us! And Thank you to my blog family...I love you all too!

Birth Families part two......

This seems to be an issue that people are so very divided on....I find myself going back and forth on how I feel. Sometimes, I feel great pity and sadness for the birth family. I mean, I look at the wonderful child that I am raising and I realize how much they are missing out on. The good and the bad.....they don't ever get to have any of the experiences with the child that they gave birth to. Then there are times where I am spitting mad at them. I have intense anger at them because it is essentially their fault that their children have the emotional scars. I find myself going back and forth between these polar opposite feelings a lot.

I assume that if their birth families weren't so much of a daily subject in my home I wouldn't give them a second thought. But so many of the self esteem issues we struggle with in our home boil down to the fact that they don't believe their birth mothers loved them. Whether I like it or not....That is a big deal for them.

Some people assume that if I would just not mention them, this would end....It doesn't....It is in their minds every day. It is behind most of their behaviors and their tears. This primal heart ache.....

One of my children displays extreme behavior on an almost daily basis. We finally spoke to her therapist about a note that we could keep with us in case some misguided do gooder calls the cops because they are freaked out by her shrieks. This letter doesn't eliminate the behavior but for some reason I feel safer knowing that the note makes it less likely that her shrieking will end in deep trouble for all of us. ( Don't gasp with horror....Again, unless you have lived with a violent child, there is no way you can understand to what measures you must go to keep your child safe.....)

I told the story of one of my trips to Target and another blogger shared her trip to WalMart, those stories bother me. I know that I have done nothing wrong...But those around you don't when this little angelic face is puffy and red from her desperate screams.....It is sad that you need to be so careful but the world is different now.....

Watch out girls......I am going to go full circle....Guess what on earth is the reason she has these crazy, rageful tantrums.....You have it! The trauma of her past....The neglect, the separation from her birth family AND the way her mind processes all of it.

Our family is a work in progress. I truly believe that even though our successes seem limited, we are having successes. Even when I am at my wits end and I feel the lowest, we are better today than we were yesterday....AND That is awesome!

Have a fantastic evening! Be Well!.....

By the way.....my girls are going to my inlaws tomorrow night...So I get to have DATE NIGHT with my wonderful husband!....SO there will not be a blog tomorrow night!

Me

Vomit....A Plan for success......

Did you know that puking could make you happy? I was also not aware of this! My sweet, clever child has learned she can achieve much in life with vomit. I have to admit, I am at a little bit of a loss with this. And at the moment, my inclination towards therapeutic parenting goes out the window.

Scenario for the day.......

We discussed Rose's diabetic state last night and her headache with super powers. When she awoke this morning, it was as though she were a Disney Princess. She was so sweet that you could imagine all of the little forest animals gathering at her feet as she flung open her cottage window and hummed a happy tune. You can see it, right? She was almost too sweet. Not something to complain about when your child is usually contrary as a normal state.

Her voice was sing songey as she dressed, gathered her lunch and brushed her teeth. She was even respectful as she asked to have yogurt instead of cereal...Good Day....She even made a crack about her "headache" last night. We had cuddle time and good times=)

Marie walked in while Rose and I were cuddling and she asked what time the movie started. Rose chirped about going swimming today and maybe when she got home we could go to get Ice Cream...You are still hearing the chirping birds right?

As fate would have it....Marie and I had changed plans and decided to go to the Mall with my friend and her brood....We were about twenty minutes into our ride when I got THE CALL.....a call I have gotten soooo many times before....."Mrs. Smith (not my real name...hahaha) Rose is in the office...She doesn't feel well....She just threw up" Of course, in my unsympathetic and crass voice I said " of course she did..."

So, I bought her chicken broth for dinner and she is in her bedroom...banished to her bed till tomorrow am....I am sure her belly did hurt after she got herself into such a state that she actually puked! She is still sleeping off the excitement...I do have to admit that it is quite upsetting to me that she does this. It is a lot of wasted time when she spends so much of her time creating misery for herself and those around her.

Here is what I really don't get. She was going to camp today..They were going swimming, she was going to have a blast. I was going to spend one on one time with Marie while she was at camp so that it would minimize the upset to her...

Minute by minute update....God just touched her and she is no longer sick...a true Christmas miracle in July. Please know that I am not being sacreligious or disrespectful to the Lord when I say that. I just know my kid.....She just told me that she was refusing to stay in her room because it was stupid. She is fine now...what is the big deal.....i said we wouldn't even be having this conversation if you had chosen to stay at camp. Unfortunately, when you chose to puke you chose your bedroom.....The door slammed...we will see what happens...

So back to camp.....so now she didnt get to go to camp, she has to stay in her bed and Marie and I are still going to see Mama Mia today while she does that....Consequences....gotta love them.....sometimes you don't need punishments when being a good mom does the trick! I mean, a good mom makes sure that her child gets plenty of rest and nourishment when they are sick.

It is like God knew I was not able to theraupetically parent her today on my own and threw me a bone. Gave me the words to show her I was only being a good mom! She can't argue with me being a good mom....Well she can...but it is much more difficult when I am doing it with that much love!

Also lest you think I am a cold heartless cow....Rose could be sick...But when Rose gets sick she is totally compliant with everything.....she is sweet and a joy when she is sick. When she is well, she is totally contrary to everything that you say to her. I love her soooo much and it pains me to see her sick BUT it is really a pain when she fakes it....and today she had a fresh mouth......so there you go....case solved, Inspector!


Thank you God!

Be well.....I am reading all of your blogs too...I love them all! You are all inspirations to me! I hope I give you something back.

Me