Saturday, August 16, 2008

August stinks!

I took that picture while we were on Cape Cod. I believe that is the Sagamore bridge. That was just for your information. I don't have anything more to say about that.

I am sure a couple of you have noticed that I haven't written a new blog in two weeks. I guess I needed a break from all things RAD...I am sure you are I am chuckling...I mean being the parent of two children with RAD that is quite impossible.

My mom's birthday is August 3. My nephew's birthday is August 6. Marie's Gotcha Day (the day she moved in) is August 8. Rose's birthday is August 10. My birthday is August 29. Busy Month, right? Plus, school usually starts at the end of August. Oy vey!

I am sure most of you know how our children react to holidays or birthdays or other significant dates of the year.

Marie usually loves her Gotcha Day. She looks forward to it each and every year. We have our annual discussion of her first visit to our home. We talk to her about when she arrived with her social worker at our house for her first visit, we were surprised when she brought FIVE trash bags full of her stuff over to move it in. We relive the months of visits leading up to her moving in and finally we relive the excitement of her actually moving in. Remembering how exciting it was to say good bye to the Social Worker that day and not having to return Marie to the group home.

And this was her Fifth Anniversary. I thought for such an important anniversary we would plan something special. Two days after her Gotcha Day is Rose's birthday. So I THOUGHT ( this is something I seem to continually do wrong.....) we would take a Family trip. A family celebration to celebrate two big events. I know it seems so now but at the time it seemed like a great idea. Both girls felt slighted and did spend a large amount of the time showing me with their behavior.

Actually, I have had this entire week off and they have shown me with their behavior that I made a bad decision. Never take a trip that is associated with an important day.

Do you realize how many rules there are when raising a RAD kid? I can't keep up! I really wish there was a rule book that you would receive when you bring them home...Actually, I wish they came with computer software. For instance, the software would ask you a group of questions related to your child's temperment, behavior, emotional and physical states. Once you had answered the questions, it would tell you the best way to deal with your kid....Wouldn't that be awesome? Of course, it couldn't fix the problem but it would be nice to be sent the right road the first time!

So as of now...I am writing my own handbook...Although by the time it is finished...My kids will be grown. And when I adopt again, they will have to have their own owner's manual. Maybe I will take my own advice and strap on my seatbelt and enjoy the ride.....

I also have to take a step back and not be so hard on myself. I am not a perfect human being. Nor will I always get it right. I am a fairly experienced RAD parent, but I can still make mistakes. And no the world doesn't end if I mess up! Hard lesson for me to learn. I want them to have the very best lives they can but I can't fix it all overnight. I have to be committed to the long term and forget the short term failures. Big Picture, K....Big Pictures..... It becomes a tight rope act to be happy with the small short term successes and remember that it is the Big Picture that benefits. And by learning this, I am able to not get so stuck in the bad times...I can focus on the good times and move on.....

On a side note, I was searching for my daughter's birth mother and contacted another member of my daughter's birth family to find her. This member of her family was so touched to hear from me and we began to correspond. I met this person and their spouse. They are very lovely and were not part of any of the "bad stuff". We are going to keep in touch and they want to help us anyway they can as she grows up. I was so touched that this person is so supportive of our family and has said they will do anything within their power to support the health and continued emotional healing of my family. A true blessing. I had to share it with someone!

Be well....Me