Bedazzled.....

I have come to the conclusion that I am over thinking this stuff....You have no idea how many ideas are swimming through my mind at any given moment. Like today....I suppose most people will not truly get the humor in this story because they don't know my teen daughter.

Small background.....She is a free spirit....I mean completely free spirit...the drummer she follows isn't in our galaxy....I can write way too many blogs on that alone. The football dream has ended quite quickly. Similar to the many other fancies that float by her in any given day. So I am relieved to say I won't have to go to football games to watch my feminist daughter this fall.....She has been doing a really fantastic job, above the call of duty types of chores for me so I rewarded her with some money.

Today is above 90 and super humid...So we made the trip out to the Holyoke Mall and the Yankee Candle factory....( for those of you not familiar with Massachusetts, I live near the center of the state and that is west of us by about an hour and a half, near the CT border) Our theory was AC in the car ride out there....AC in the Mall and YC Factory....AC at Trader Joe's....AC coming home....And we were gone from 11:30 am to 8 pm......SOOOOOO no hot apt without the AC on yet...(not till the 15th!) Good Plan......

Holyoke Mall is fairly large......So it takes a long time to walk around. I let my 14 yo have her taste of freedom trekking the mall (cell phone in tote...so I can make sure they are safe)...I gave her suggestions for treats....ie...shoes, shorts, books, moisturizer for her dry hair....the list goes on....She is super impulsive so my husband and I made a bet on her purchasing something super useless.....

For Christmas...she spent the entire 25 bucks she had to buy my stocking stuffers on tins of Altoids Cinnamon gum....they were on sale for 99 cents a tin....I still have twenty! And I still laugh hysterically when I put a new tin in my purse!....She rocks....my husband got 25 bucks worth of M&M'S....with a stuffed animal attached....every man needs a stuffed yellow M&M right?

So we enjoy our stroll alone as just a young couple in love. We stop for ice cream, holding hands and giggling. It is always nice to be able to have a few moments to yourself.....

Marie and Rose find us after splurging....Rose has shorts that are too short and a halter top that should not be sold in the children's section....she is for another blog....complicated....but by the way we knew she would do that......And then it was Marie's time....We are always excited to see what she holds in her bags......always something unexpected and usually something she will never use....it just happens to catch her eye.

It is hard to understand why this is funny unless I share my little tidbits about Marie. She is so funny and full of life. She is the loudest human being you will ever meet. She has the sweetest spirit about her....and she has a fantastic and enormous heart. Know that I enjoy everyday that she fills my life and home with laughter....

She loves tv commercial jingles....she can sing them all...Target, McDonalds, WalMart, Hess Gas, Polly Pocket, Monchichi, 99 Restaurant....you get the idea....if it has a jingle she knows it....she sings them frequently and loudly.....my husband yells out commercials sometimes to see if she knows the jingle....Mind you this is a kid that actually doesn't watch tv much....just happens to love the jingles....

Back to her bag......

I open her bag.....BEDAZZLER.......i high five my husband....I was right again....another impulsive useless thing that she could recite the jingle for....I love her! She never lets me down....I hugged her and laughed.....she wants to bedazzle her jeans, t shirts, purses....just like the commercial.....If you need something bedazzled....send it my way...I will have the jingle singer bedazzle your life......

She certainly has bedazzled my life with her sparkling personality....We didn't even need rhinestones!

Be well!

I hope you enjoy these blogs just a little...I certainly enjoy sharing my life with you!

Football.....

I am going to force myself to sit down everyday and write something. Not everything will be meaningful....

When I got home today, my oldest daughter had forms for me to sign. She is 14 and going into HS in the fall...I find this to be most traumatic to me. I have only had her in my home and life since she was 9 and I feel that I was cheated of entirely too much of her childhood. I don't want to think of only getting 4 more years of her...Then again...when that 14 yo mouth starts going....4 years is entirely too long. I still think of myself as being 25. And the fact that my daughter will be in HS does not jive with my Peter Pan thinking....WAHHHHH....

So back to the forms.....she wants to try out for the HS football team....And when I tried to discuss the pros and cons....she said i was trying to steal her dream....I asked her why...Because the kids told me I couldnt.....so I know that if I put my mind to it I can do it...So there you go....My daughter is going to attempt to be a football star.....I am going gray just worrying about how this is going to end....but no sense in biting my nails....I am going to go on the ride with her and I won't steal her dream.....as much as it is killing me .....some of the best lessons are the most painful....OUCH!

Wasn't this meaningful......?

Keepin' it Real!

So this is my fourth post....Pretty proliferative as of now. I am impressed with myself. So heres the thing I am already struggling with....

Being Real. I have been called abrasive, rude, abrupt, snotty, and down right obnoxious. And I don't agree with most of those. I only claim to be abrasive. The rest I am not. If you know me, you can agree. But these words are slung at me because I am Real. Unbelievably, brutally honest. About everything!

So here is my struggle. Some people view that as being negative or harsh. And I am sure it can be offputting to some. BUT honestly, it is me being real. I state things as they are without emotional attachment to what I am saying. And my concern is that this could be misinterpreted as complaining or being unhappy.

And that is not true. For the record, I am very happy. I have an amazing husband that is faithful and kind and smart and wonderful. I have two beautiful, healthy children. I have a loving support system and an amazingly wonderful and understanding boss ( are you reading this one?)

As for complaining....It serves no purpose. It doesn't change things, it affects your physical and mental wellbeing, and it makes you unbearable to be near. I chose my life willingly. Yes, I was naive and had no idea how difficult this would be....But I still chose my life so there is no reason for me to complain.

I want to use my words to share my feelings, whether I am frustrated or gleeful, and to maybe inspire another mom that is struggling. I am very real....Every therapist we have ever met has always been totally impressed at how open and honest I am about where we are emotionally. I am proud to say you always know where you stand with me.....I am me.....

I hope you enjoy the journey that we will take together if you decide to continue to read. I have really wanted to share my experiences and my life's passion for a long way. I don't.....maybe this is the warm up for my bestselling book....I already have the title!

Have a great night!

Chinese Food Saved My Life!

I am going to really write a book some day that I name this. At the very least, it will force people to pick up the book and read the inside front panel. And then they will be hooked on my charm and massively entertaining way of writing! And do I have stories to share....

Of note, I am not using the correct first names for my children. I think it is only fair that no one can google their names and find them. In a normal circumstance, it would not matter but I will not sacrifice that much of their privacy. Also, they know that I am writing this blog and support me completely. By the way....If it makes them remotely famous...they are totally in favor of it!

When Marie moved in with us, she was an extremely spirited 9 year old. I was a very naive and inexperienced 28 year old first time mom. We were a fun pair. She the queen of scam, me her court fool. (She has learned over the years, I am the Queen and she is my wonderful princess....Chain of command rocks! That is later!)

Back to my rookie year. She had a therapist the moment she moved in. They were not compatible. Nothing was ever accomplished and about two months in she fervently encouraged us return her to DSS. I was aghast and was quite thankful when she told us to find a new therapist. Which was not an easy feat for my spirited child!

Did you hear that I say she was spirited? So after an extensive search we met her therapist, T. T was still an intern but would take Marie on as a patient under the supervision of another therapist. I reluctantly agreed. Marie was briefly hospitalized and quite hostile during her first visit with her new therapist. T opened the door after ten minutes and asked us to leave.

I thought I would die!.... Who gets suspended from therapy....Isnt that why you go to therapy....? Marie was so proud of herself and I wanted to cry.....The next week came....And therapy was at 4:00. Marie wasn't interested in therapy but was totally into what she was eating for dinner. She confidently said " I want chinese food"

So being the brave wack job that I am, I told her if she was nice to T and talked about her feelings....we would buy chinese....

"Promise?"

I said yes....My husband was like you can't bribe her.....I was like...Yeah I can! So amazingly enough she talked about her feelings....was nice and well behaved....YES! (I high fived myself in my head)

So she got chinese food AND almost every week since then if she does work in therapy, she gets chinese food. It works with Rose, too. Even in the middle of a full out tirade, if i whisper chinese food, we are back on track. Marie and Rose have talked about some of the most traumatic, horrific things and dealt with the pain to get chinese food....Talk about dedication!....

So that is why I love chinese food....I will always love chinese.....So here is to many more years at the mall food court! Cheers.....

It has been a long time!

Aren't they absolutely adorable? I mean there they are, hugging tightly. Marie has her eyes closed and she is completely embracing Rose as any wonderful, thoughtful older sister. And there is Rose hugging Marie but not quite embracing the closeness as readily. Here is where I live. In this picture, my life is. We started this blog as a way to sort of educate and encourage others but I am not sure where I want to go now. I need an outlet. Also, who knows, perhaps someone out there will empathize or share in my struggles and joys....

Both of my girls are diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder. Which essentially means that they were unable to make a significant attachment/bond with their primary caregiver. (i.e. their birthmother) This attachment may not be made because the baby has some type sickness which precludes the parent from being able to properly fulfill the infants needs. But more likely it is because of a birthparent that is neglectful and/or abusive. As the child learns that they must fulfill their own needs, they become more and more distrustful of those taking care of them and they bury their need/desire for human contact and/or learn to use any tact necessary to fulfill their own needs. As they do this they begin to lie, manipulate, and steal to get their needs fulfilled, regardless if there is a responsible , loving adult there to fulfill those needs. Of course, this is oversimplified. I realize that. But how much can I really tell you..... a better place for information is www.nancythomasparenting.org or www. attach.org......

I am sharing alot by sharing this. There can be alot of stigma that happens when you are parenting a child like this. AND this is not the place to air all of our dirty laundry. So I won't discuss anything that will embarrass my daughters. But some things I will share...And I will definitely share the good things...BECAUSE everyone should get to hear the good things. Back to the stigma. My kids have a tendency to show me their feelings through behaviors. We never get a "Gee Mom I feel......." I get candy missing, my iPod missing, a class skipped, or lots of fresh words....If I am really lucky, "I hate you" gets interjected in for safe measure. And these behaviors are tedious, embarrassing, and scary. And they make people frustrated and uncomfortable. When people have these feelings, they recoil and tend to disappear. Which makes for a lonely place, sometimes. In defense of their behavior, their behavior always means something. They never steal for the thrill of it or lie because they can. They do these things because it freaks them out that I love them and that I am not going anywhere. They do it to make sure that I can keep them safe no matter how unsafe they are. They do it because they love me, too! That is a concept that I have the hardest time with...That the more horrible they appear to be, the more frightened they are because they know they love me, too. Which is amazing! Of course, we must retrain them so that they don't continue to do the things that they do. But it is a start.... Man did I get off on a tangent....

Well, that is alot of information and now I am exhausted as I sit here and take in what I just shared. I am eliminating my own feelings of shame and guilt. Please feel free to share anything you wish with me. I will make my email address available for anyone who reads this.

Most sincerely,
Me