The True Love of a Kitty.....

This is a picture of my love bug kitten! His name is Scout. He is the ultimate love bug but he is quite selective with his love.

His two favorite people in my home are Rose and Marie. If I am completely honest, his one true love is Marie. He was only a couple of months old when Marie moved into our home.

She was 9 and had never seen a kitten. He was so teeny and you could barely hear his cries. Marie would follow him around and touch him. I would warn her that she was freaking him out. Scoutie is a fraidy cat.....He is literally scared of his own shadow. When he is alone in the living room and all of the lights are out....he cries out until you call his name! She didn't care she was in love with him. Her persistence was not without a consequence. He also fell head over heels in love with her.

Last summer our beloved cat, Poe, died. My husband and I found him at the beginning of our life together. He had been our first child, our first collective responsibility. We were devastated but I had to teach the girls that we could move on and love again. As Poe would want it. So we got a new kitten! Everyone was against the idea. But I persisted and brought home little Boo Radley. No one wanted to like him. Actually the first two days we had him, he hid all day and cried all night.....Loudly and painfully. Every time we tried to get near him, he hissed...He was only three months old.

So, Rose pursued Boo Radley and I also warned her about freaking the kitty out....he is very independent and doesn't really need us often....but she was in love with him .....and he eventually also succumbed to her persistence.

Both cats are very attached to the four of us alone. If they hear someone knock and we are all present and accounted for, they run and hide. If someone is here at our home, no one will see them till they are sure that they are safe with their family. My sister has two cats that love everyone and are wonderful with everyone. Sometimes I wish my babies would perform for others, but alas they give a much greater gift.

They love my girls. They love my girls unconditionally and in a way that they most would not understand.

My daughters have tantrums...and when I say tantrums, I really don't think that the exact wording of tantrum does it justice. They are at the very least verbally abusive and usually there is some sort of physical element to it. When they tantrum it can be very scary and it really gets the adrenaline popping. Chaos amplified.....

But the cats are completely unphazed. In the middle of all of the chaos....they go right up to the kids and rub against them. The girls usually calm down and have a quiet moment....Of course, this does nothing to stop the tantrum BUT I see their hearts during those moments with their one true loves. Sometimes it kills me that they have more emotional connection to animals than to me. But then I think about the fact that they LOVE someone.....AND that is better than the alternative.

I have to be honest...I am really tired tonight and I am lacking any level of focus. My husband usually reads my blog and tells me if it is good or needs to be tweeked..But the Red Sox are playing...And if you live in Red Sox Nation....that means all other matter of business ceases during a game....So I will live with what I have written...

Be well.....

More soon,
Me!

Shameless!

Do you know where this is? This is the JFK Library and Museum. It is in Boston and it is quite near UMass Boston. UMass Boston is where Marie used to go swimming as a reward for good behavior when she lived at a residential program, prior to her adoption.

Like how I connected the two?

Over 50 years ago, President John Kennedy wrote a book that he won a Pulitizer Prize for. The name of that book was "Profiles In Courage". Please forgive me that I am not an expert on this book. I am only now learning about it but I know that every year there are awards given to people in the spirit of this book.

Just wait.....I think it is worth the build up!

A week ago we received a letter from Marie's school letting us know about their little "graduation" that was going to be held the last day of school. I actually had to work today and I wasn't sure I could leave work to be there...I mean give me a break....it is just 8th grade Graduation.....I didn't have an 8th grade graduation and I survived!

Marie's teacher was quite persistent with insisting that one if not both of us should come check it out. It would be nice to get a picture or two. She was gonna get an award of some sort. She is a hard worker so I was figuring she would get some kind of most improved award. My guess was Science because she just isn't that into Science and we had lots of extra help sessions for Science....40 mins in and the science award done...I scanned the rest of the awards....She doesn't do sports, doesn't do anything in an organization because she is too bossy....

The only other award left was the "Profiles in Courage" award...which happened to be presented by this teacher that really wanted us there... Their definition of the Profile in Courage award was someone that showed extraordinary commitment to academics, always worked to their full potential, assisted others to work to their full potential, while also overcoming the obstacles that were placed in front of them. Hey that is my kid.....

Side story....Marie love, love, love, loves school..... She hates the summer and really starts the countdown for school to begin in June. This isn't even the story...But she has a significant learning disability and she got her teachers to give her the workbooks so she could spend the summer improving her skills....so she doesn't need to have any special ed services....I admire her will....The story is...My birthday was the first day of school last year. My sister had spent the night and we, being mature adults, didn't go to sleep till like 2am....So I was just about to go into REM sleep when I feel pressure on my nose...My eyes open to Marie's nose touching mine...Her big brown eyes dancing right in front of me....

"Mommy....I look awesome!" Have I mentioned how loud she is...

I took the palm of my hand and pushed her forehead back a few feet....Slightly reopened my eyes again to look at the clock...It was 4:05 am.....

"Soooo....when can I go outside and wait for the bus?"

"um....you need to go away...no you can't go outside and wait for the bus....the rest of America is still asleep...."

"So not now...I don't want to miss the bus....I can't miss my first day"

"um nerd girl....go take a nap on the couch...and leave the backpack here....you can't nap while having a backpack on your back"

she grunted and left the backpack...Although, once my eyes closed, she quietly came back into my bedroom to get the backpack...she had to label all of her folders, organize her pencils, and put every one of the 30 pkgs of loose leaf paper into her 7 binders that she just had to take to JR High.....She is dedicated!

I have a million stories about Marie and school. She has always loved school as long as I have known her. And she has also overcome some amazing obstacles to be where she is. She has scratched and clawed for every achievement she has earned.

Today she was recognized for all of her effort. I cry every time I speak about this. I am just so very proud of her. She apologized that she didn't get more awards....This award is so much more meaningful than any other award on that sheet of paper. So it may be annoying that you have already heard this and you may hear about it again. But MY KID ROCKS! She is just such a brave kid. She worked so hard to get to where she is. Actually if I am truly honest. She, my husband, and I have all worked so hard for her to be here. And it was a sign from God that it has all been worth it. and MY KID ROCKS....

Remember this next week when I am off my high!

Have a great night.....

I will get to jumping jacks soon...Right now I am still basking in the good things!=)

Kids......

Ok, I know you were all biting your nails and didn't sleep last night because you were dying to know all about Marie's dance. I want to make sure you can all sleep tonight....

First of all, she was so beautiful last night. She is just growing up and I am really having a hard time with that....Let's see if I have come to terms with it when she graduates in 2012.....

She had so much fun. It was dark and the music was loud. She was bummed because she couldn't take pictures with her phone. BUT two out of this world things happened. She got to slow dance with the boy of her dreams AND Chris Brown was the last song played....And the DJ dedicated it to her. So she said "See Mom the world does revolve around me" As she danced around the living room. Although I wasn't sure if it was dancing or perhaps she was having some type of seizure...But I was right when I assumed it was dancing....I still maintain...sometimes you can't tell the difference.

When we adopted her, I thought she would be able to teach me rhythm because she was a latina...And we have all seen how well the sassy Latina girls can move...NOT my Marie! She has less rhythm than me....So she was of no help to me.

This fact and the fact that she can't carry a tune don't bode well for her all time dream to be THE AMERICAN IDOL or a choreographer.....She is so unbelievably close to being my clone...It is freaky...I mean what are the odds that I would adopt my clone.... someone just like me....well except the whole being on my own planet thing....She alone owns that!

These kids crack me up....The pool opened in our complex this week. We count the days to this beginning in March! It is only about 70 degrees out and they were totally into jumping in to the pool today. There are pool rules. One of which is putting your hair in a bun or wear a swim cap and another is no running and jumping in the pool...

Apparently there were people that weren't following the rules. I made Rosie search the home for a specific clip before she could go swimming. Needless to say, they both run into the apt to tell me that it isn't fair that they have to follow rules and NO ONE else ever does. And they wanted to know why they had to.....And I got to say the thing I hated the most when I was growing up...but as a parent is totally fun to say....You can't say it often but sometimes you have to.....i said...."Because I am your mother and I said so".....They both shrunk into their chairs, deflated....You can't argue with Mommy logic!

Then Rose said..." Sometimes I wish you were a bad mom like the moms that don't make their kids listen" Man, that made me bust a gut.....I actually was quite proud of myself when she said that....because I was certainly expecting to hear that I totally suck! Bonus points!

BTW, the picture is just the Bald Eagle at the Ecotarium in Worcester, MA. He rocks and it was something different than yet another picture of my kids!

AND my sister rocks....I heard that she reads these blogs and so she now gets her byline...See I told you if you let me know who you are...I would mention you....

Oh yeah...I have to keep that promise....Thanks, Michelle, Jess and Jen ( my college roommate) You all rock and I appreciate your kind words and the encouragement that you are giving me....Thank you....

Me!

Be Well....I don't think it is that great of a catch phrase....But I haven't found one yet sooo that is what you get right now!

We will miss you, Tim Russert!

I try to say something interesting in the title. And that title certainly may not seem as though it has anything to do with this picture...

but it just may....

If you aren't aware of this. NBC Washington Bureau Chief, Tim Russert, passed away on Friday afternoon. Doing what he loved, working on Meet the Press. I suppose if anyone out there knows anything about me, they know I love the news.

I actually become quite fond of the reporters that I watch on TV ever day. And I was saddened when I heard that Tim died, as was most everyone on TV. This weekend, I watched NBC every time I knew the news was on. I watched Meet The Press, then watched the replays on other news shows....Yes I know dorky...But I really get into this stuff. I learned a lot about Tim Russert. He was an honorable, kind, giving, wonderful man with an amazing legacy for his son.

He was the most proud of his son. What a wonderful young man he seems to be from the interviews and pictures. And by all accounts Tim truly was as wonderful and gracious as they are portraying him.

So this makes me think of my own legacy. What do I leave my own children? I haven't quite got that figured out yet. But I can only hope and pray that they know that I love them with all of my heart and soul. I hope that they know how proud I am of them and how much I believe in them. I hope they know that I spent hours and hours praying to God that I would teach them everything they need to know and that I would be a good example to them. I have not accrued riches or celebrity...But I have a family that I adore and I am happier than I could have ever imagined I would be. (yes even with all of the obstacles that we face)

My children are what I have to show for my life's work. All of my blood, sweat and tears have gone into these children and I am proud of our accomplishments thus far. We have many miles yet to go....But as I said...I am not through yet....

I will miss seeing Tim every morning on the Today Show. I pray that his family find comfort in all of the well wishes of those who cared for him so deeply.

Sorry, Kris...this Marie going into HS thing is really making me sentimental. No funny stories to share...Wait till after Thursday, when school is finished....I am sure they will give me more stories....Plus you know I have tons in my head.....Just haven't found the right day to write them....

Be well.....

My little Pumpkin!

I don't want to make it a habit to put pictures of my children on this blog. I want to respect their privacy and I don't want to advertise pictures of them online.

BUT really, I had to share this picture. This is my kid...In every sense of what she embodies. She is beautiful and she has this infectious smile. Actually, you can almost see the giggle burst out of her!

Back story to this picture.....

she forgot to put deodorant on before she put the dress on...So after I did a fantastic job with her hair and my sister rocked out her makeup....we realized she still had stinky pits....so my sister put deodorant on for her and Marie is super ticklish....hence busting a gut during the glamorous picture!

Here is where I get sentimental. This is my kid. I still sometimes get so choked up to realize that she belongs to us. She is just this totally amazing kid that has beat the odds so many times. She is standing in my kitchen, posing for a picture as she continues to become an amazing young woman. I am struck by how much of a wonderful young woman she is becoming...I am bursting with pride....Can you tell?

I hope your evening is full of fits of giggles!

RADical Blanket

Do you like my blanket? Isn't it fantastic. I decided I have appeared slightly glum so I wanted to share my new pet project.....

I have many miles to go before I sleep..(my homage to 9th grade English w/ Ms. Sullivan) I have literally only done about 20 rows. It is over 6 feet wide....

Talk about ambitious. I am crocheting it but I have to be seriously honest....I only know how to do single and double loop stitches (i know that is incorrect wording) so it is not very fancy.

Marie loves it. I think it is because it is made like her mind works. It is colorful, expansive, and it has a random pattern that no one else can follow. But she and I know what it means. We are choosing the colors together.

I call it the RADical Blanket for a reason. My kids are very engaged in their own healing and we pride ourselves on the level of honesty we maintain with the girls. RAD kids can be oppositional, defiant and their actions can seemingly be random and nonsensical. When in fact every action is quite calculated on their part and is part of unraveling the hurt and trauma they have experienced.

So my blankie is in homage to my girls and their continued healing! Like her this blanket is random and seems nonsensical.....Yet it is my labor of love for her. To show her that I love her and embrace her no matter what.

They are giggling because it is soooo long. I want it to keep her warm long into her adulthood. They marvel at how cool the colors look....I want her to smile every time she remembers our trips to buy the most random colors we could find....And they tease me because I don't really know what I am doing.....I want her to realize that even though it isn't perfect...it is the only one in the entire world that looks like it..... And she is one of a kind, too!!!!

I imagine this may take years to finish...since I happen to have a random brain myself...But it is ok..This might be the perfect graduation present....as long as it is in a new car or money is taped to it....hahhahaha Come on....who am I kidding....She will be 18.......

By the way....Today was a good day...it started a little sketchy...but once they realized that they don't have to stay stuck and that today was a new day....Things looked up...We had a great day...AND isn't that what life is about...enjoying those great days....It is what I hold onto when the days aren't so great....

Be well and keep a smile on your face, Sunshine!

Me

Dads Rock!

Happy Father's Day!

Here is to my daddy....He is a kind, loving and compassionate man. He has always loved and supported me no matter what. And I am blessed that my daddy is in my life! So I am raising a glass of Diet Coke just for you, Daddy! I love you!

I have to admit something here....I hate Father's and Mother's Day. Beyond the chaos normal holidays cause, these two are particularly wretched in our home. Two days that are created to celebrate the love between a child and a parent, become days full of loss and trauma for my kids.

So, sorry for nothing uplifting to say. I am not complaining because I really believe it is all a process and eventually this will pass. I just pray that God continue to give us the strength to be joyful even as we struggle with this junk!

The bright side to a weekend like this....(there is one) My husband and I spent alot of time together....We also got lots of chores done for us! Which is a gift! My toenails need to be repainted so maybe I will luck out and she will be fresh again soon! hahahah....

Oh yeah....And I did my part and bought some Frosty's....!

On a better note, the Red Sox won today...Who can have a bad day in Red Sox Nation when they are winning? Go Celtics...... OOPS....Sorry Dad, Go Indians!

Have a great night and be well......