Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Thinking my life away.....

I am a thinker. I think all of the time? There are always thoughts racing through my head. I wake up in the middle of the night because of something I thought of because I was dreaming about it. I have to turn talk radio on so that I have to concentrate on something other than my thoughts in my car. Otherwise who knows where I would end up when I get in the car.

I am also a multi tasker.....I do many things at once and usually have a high rate of completion. I even multitask when I am relaxing....I read a book, listen to music and think.....I watch "House" on two networks, play on facebook, talk to my husband, and think....

I daydream, too. My head is in the clouds most of the time. It makes me highly flakey and a very bad friend. I am spontaneous and very impulsive. I want what I want and can bully sometimes because I don't get my own way. Which who knows what that makes me...I don't even want to THINK about that.

I think about how good of a mother I am. Or am I a good wife. I think about what else could we possibly do to help our children heal. I think about how the stress of raising RADlings will affect my marriage in the long term. I think about how raising my RADlings has already affected my life. I think about what could have been and I think about what will be in the future.

I think about so many things that I am exhausted. I can't turn my brain off. So now I am thinking that I think too much...I must waste so much of my time just thinking about stuff....About things I can't change now and about things that I can't stop from happening.

My kids are what they are. I can't think them different. I can't do some sort of mind meld to change them. If I could...I would make a killing by selling my services. Oh well...

Now, I am thinking that I may have wasted your time....Just thinking again!

Be well!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Are you serious?

I believe I received this message when my 15 yo daughter texted me THREE times today and called FOUR times while I was at work....At work at a job that frowns on cell phone use...this is the most persuasive argument against teens with cell phones! =)

First....UPDATE on Rosie and the infamous capris.. lol....she did wear them to school. But as I correctly suspected...It was a one and done...."Um....they are really comfortable are way too loose...I need it to be tighter to my know, like the rest of the NORMAL kids" Whatever that Ocean State Job Lots is the best place to buy what I am starting to call the one and

Onto the fun of Marie!

Marie is my spirited child. She is vivacious, exuberant, fiesty, sassy, outspoken, impulsive, headstrong, loud, infectious laugh, a smile that lights up the room and eyes that twinkle with mischief....She was the miracle I prayed God would send us....but she also struggles in ways that break my heart. She has requested on not blog about certain things that have happened in the last month so I am tiptoeing around parts of the story that are the most crucial. But I have always told the children that if they request something not be talked about on here...they can make the request and I will respect their please be patient...The story will unfold...eventually.

Marie has been struggling for months now. It started with skipping classes and stepped up to massive behavioral meltdowns (can you call them tantrums at 15), a three day suspension and saturday detention and recently resulted in outside intervention. Next week some of our questions will be answered so I can explain that more. She has had more than 2 meltdowns a week for the last month or so. I personally think it is BiPolar although the psychiatrist believes it is simply trauma response. I have to be honest, I don't care what the label is...she needs a med change. He is away until July 8 so we are trying to be patient and work through this. Her peaks and valleys are too extreme to be anything but a mood disorder. So I have decided I totally disagree with Dr. G and I am ready to fight this time. He has always been very reasonable in the past but is very hesitant to change or up meds..I agree with him, in theory, but he isn't living here....MEDS! lol

Today....the stress of the end of school is really getting to her. She has been grounded due to the above issues...she knows this...we know this....everyone that knows her...knows she is grounded....Back to the her kind and loving words...bated my husband into a debate over her restriction....he ended it quickly but she blew a gasket....

Anyone want to take a 15 year old for the summer?

Anywhooo? See why I stopped

She calmed down...and seemed to be processing information....then she told me that it was hard for her because it was alot of pressure to pretend that I was her mom....She thinks of me as the Stepmom...and I try too hard to be her birthmom....Not sure what that all meant but I figured she was still completely out of sync sooooo encouraged her to take a shower....showed her my unconditional, consistent love and decided it was something that could wait until she was back in sync....I certainly don't need to start more fires!

On a positive note....My sister is having a baby in September and I am very excited for her and my brother in law...I am so looking forward to our family expanding and spoiling another nephew....

Another positive note.....I have a mini vacation coming up. I only have to work next monday and tuesday with the rest of the week off...Life is good!

Be Well....


PS...I know this isn't the most formally written blog but I write like I talk..So deal with it=)

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Making Decisions

Man, I am continually disappointed in my ability to be a faithful writer on this blog. I love this blog and I love my blogging buddies. I have been running ragged lately and don't find that I am going to say anything inspirational so I don't want to just waste your time with continual complaining. So I don't write. Then I become shame filled at the fact that I don't discipline myself to write at least something every day.

Then I say.....K, get a stinking life and shut up!

The last month has brought many adventures in our home. But let me just say I am tired. I am frustrated and seem to be feeling quite sorry for myself as of late. AGAIN....clearly we may need more happy pills, should this tide continue to flow as it is! just her usual self. There isn't anything tragic to report. Her and I continue to play tug of war. I know it isn't effective parenting....but sometimes....I just have to win. Sometimes, Daniel Hughes and Attachment parenting just doesn't get my desired result and I have to win. Hopefully there are others of you out there and you can say AMEN!

Yesterday she tell me that her Chorus teacher told her that she HAS TO HAVE NEW BLACK CAPRIS by monday because they have another chorus concert and she will be the only that doesn't have a new pair of capris....Although, I am well aware that this is totally bogus...and if it is true then the Chorus teacher should be purchasing them! But she had been having a relatively decent day so I was sort of interested in humoring her. But I know her very well and she doesn't wear capris unless they are jean clam diggers so I knew this would be a one and done with these capris...and thus not going to pay a great deal for them. I took her to Ocean State Job Lot...Isn't that where you go when you think discount clothing? lol....they have such a hodge podge of stuff so I figured we could find something.

I was gonna focus on Marie but hey why stop with went to the "clothing" department and found some really cute black dress shorts but all of them were too small or too big so then I found this pair of BLACK linen capris....they had string on the bottom to tie as loose or tight as you wanted, I assume to make them the desired length. She said they were not very stylish and she would rather wear nothing then wear those hideous capris....I sat them back on the rack and said...."good luck with that"...I walked away. I found my husband and we browsed the store.. She found a slinky teddy that could be a dress if I let her get it and these cute flip flogs.... so I asked "what does this have to do with the black capris" she rolled her eyes and said "fine I wooooooon't get them...geeeeeeez! why do you have to be so disrespectful" HA....but I kept my mouth shut=)

We meandered for another 10 minutes AND then I was no longer amused. I told her to pick or I picked....knowing that my choice was the only choice she really had. She huffed and puffed and said "fine have it your way! You are a bully anyhow...I don't know why I bother to to fight with you...You are so mean!" I smiled her and said..."Indeed, my love, I am not sure why you fight me, either! I love you!"

Tomorrow is the chorus concert and she spent the better part of the evening scheming about what she can wear instead....Well...I feel satisfied that I only paid five bucks for them so no big loss and she can do some chores to pay me back for my wasted generosity...Although, I don't feel like it was wasted....

I will let you know tomorrow....What lessons were learned!

Love you all!