It is has been a very eventful summer. I can't really just pick one thing that has made it this way but it seems like one thing after another has happened. Some good and some bad. Some just plain interesting!
Yesterday was my little monkey's birthday. She was still asleep around 8 am and my phone rang. It was an unfamiliar number but it was a Rhode Island number. I figured it was the number of someone I know....I picked it up and it was Monkey's Birth mom. I was stunned. Not so much because she called my cell phone, I had given her that number, but more so because she has always been so passive and ambivalent about contact with us.
The last conversation we had was quite disappointing. She seemed to try to gain power in the situation and was resistant to acknowledge that Rosie had any reason to have the issues she had. Which made me rethink my firm belief that in the appropriate situation birth family contact is positive.
After speaking with her yesterday, I was encouraged. We spoke quite in depth. We spoke about my little monkey's history. I was able to clear up some of my questions. She also agreed to spend time attending Rosie's therapy with us so that we can really help Rosie understand that this is her home and that her birthmother loves her but we are her parents. It was a freedom moment for me. To know that she understood and didn't hate me. Must sound silly to some people that I care what she thinks. But I do. I always have. It is her oppinion that matters most to my daughter. So if I have her approval....I begin to hope that my daughter will gain freedom of some sort. The Freedom to release herself from her fantasies.
Then my older Sweet pea overheard me speaking to my hubby about the phone call and she announced she too needed phone contact with her birth mom. What the heck right? One down, one to go.
As an aside. And for a clearing point. Neither Birthmothers abused these children. They were permissive in their parenting and they were addicts but neither were dangerous to their children. They made monumentally horrible decisions but in their own way, they loved their children. I don't feel that it is dangerous for these relationships. My daughters need to know the truth about their pasts to rise above them. All contact is heavily monitored by me and run by a therapist.
So we call her and have an amazing conversation with her also. She has moved and gotten herself out of a potentially dangerous relationship. I was so proud of her for being able to do something in her own best interest.
Both of these women are making strides towards healthy, fullfilling lives. And this can only benefit my children as they continue to try to figure out where their place in this world is.
So here we are, embarking on another adventure. Adoption brings so many challenges but also, so much hope for the future.
I wish you an adventurous day!
Be Well....
K
