Wow....isn't that a provacative title? Don't worry....I am not over imbibing...I actually don't drink at all. Personal choice that was further solidified when my two children became part of my family. Having alcoholic/drug addicted parents caring for you can really mess you up so I chose to eliminate that fear from their life and not drink simple as that....
But it is really one of those days....If I did drink...I would be three sheets to the wind by now. Having a tough time with little Rosie once again. She doesn't quite get a few concepts that I feel are quite obvious. Then there is a part of me that thinks perhaps her poor behavior is more calculating than I think.
Here is the scenario..... Mother's Day...Her Birthmom calls us, out of the blue and about three years after our last contact. I let Rosie speak to her and we have found out that she has reproduced with another man. Two healthy little boys. They are still in her custody and appear to be happy, healthy family. I don't know how much of this is true and accurate but by all accounts she is not forcing the disasterous childhood on these new children that she gifted to my daughter.
Rosie declares her undying love for her birthmom and sibs. Why wouldn't she? I know that is logical and completely normal for her to feel. She also declared her need for a visit. I spent two days trying to get her to understand that it was okay if she had mixed feelings or even was mad. all NORMAL feelings. She insisted that I was incorrect and she only had love for them.
In therapy, her therapist and I discussed that she needed a far more stable relationship with us to be able to have physical contact with her mother and phone contact should be minimal at most. All things I agree with. Rosie was given clear expectations for how this would happen. Which included an end to physically acting out against us and an in general more respectful relationship with us.
In my mind, knowing her as well as I do, she would straighten up because she is very good at doing what she has to do to get what she really, really wants. But she has done quite the opposite. Her physical aggression has increased and she is more disrepectful than she has been in forever. Obviously, she is in no way ready for a visit. But I wonder if knowing that this prevents the visit, she knows that we will stop the visit and she won't have to confront her past with her birthmother. I wonder if on some level she knows that we are the safe place for her and that we are her refuge during the storm. Which means we are a little farther along than I ever imagined we would get...