Saturday, October 4, 2008

Sweet Little Lies....

So this picture will be code for a RADical Day.....

At this point, I am still exhausted from dealing with my RADicals. I truly am in awe of those of you that have more than two children. Especially those of you that have more than two RADicals....I have to admit that I am all filled up with Drama with my two RADicals. They are more than I can handle some days and I am in awe of and somehow jealous of those of you that seem to be able to juggle more than two! Hats off to you! I truly mean this is the most sincere and inspired way! You are truly my hero.

Marie is failing two classes at mid terms and her way of handling it was to not tell us about the Progress Report AND to try to be out with her friends as much as humanly possible. I even told her if she continued to bully me into letting her to go outside, I would not let her "hang" with her friends the rest of the week. She readily and contritely agreed....Should have been my first clue that she was hiding something. And just for kicks, the classes she is failing are the easiest classes on her roster and she is failing merely because she blows them off.

Rose continues to attack me every morning. I have to be honest, after five weeks of school and her constant attacks for those said five weeks...I am no longer impressed=)

So here is where we are. Where we are living now.

We went to WalMart this afternoon. The girls wanted a special treat from Dunkin Donuts, so we let them go get a treat. Which gave my husband and I a very special few minutes to talk and be alone. (Take it where you can get it!) Soon, Marie is storming towards us. Some crazy story includes an accusation of Rose calling Marie fat. Which is a buzz word for Marie. She is very sensitive to such issues, as most teens are.

Well, Rosie is no where to be found. We can't find her. So we pay for our stuff and sit up front on the benches. I am so glad WalMart cares for comfort. Rose shows up about 15 mins later and is astounded that we were sitting up there. Didn't we care for her at all? So I asked her why she wasn't with Marie, as she is supposed to be. Well, Want a suprise? She had a completely different story including Marie victimizing her...Shocker....

Marie at 15 and much closer to being healed, usually tells the truth with a slant towards her being a victim but the truth is there. Rose at 11 and not close to being healed...Her stories rarely if ever contain the truth, just a story of her victimization. So we spend way too much time trying to get the truth. Finally, Rose concedes to most of Marie's account but insists she didn't call her fat. Now she says she called her "the B word". She was appalled that we thought she would call Marie fat. It is beyond me why in her mind the B word was more acceptable than fat but I am beyond figuring that out. It boggles my mind!

More hemming and hawing commences. We stopped at a Sub place to get dinner..It was getting late and I couldn't be bothered. There was a State Trooper there and I made some comment about his cool undercover car. The girls were afraid of him and I told him that it would be a good idea to be on their best behavior. He would not be impressed.....The girls sat down and waited while we ordered. He turned around...He was aimlessly taking a look around the sub shop and must have caught a glimpse of Rose and nodded at her. When He turned back around...She slinked up to me and whispered in my ear.." Mommy, I didn't call her the B word...I called her fat...I just wanted you to know the truth"

Man I wish I could have a State Trooper with me every day!

Be well!

PS....Here is a shout out to my Followers...That is awesome...I love that! Also I used bad grammar a couple of times on there....

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Snuggle Time.....

My little Rosie. I love her. I am not sure that is really something that I hide. But perhaps as the mom of a RADical, I appear hostile and unloving. It isn't unloving or hostility that I am feeling. It is truly the frustration of loving a child and that child spending every moment of their life rejecting your efforts. It is the frustration of having a child appear to attack you and abuse you (verbally and in some cases, physically) every waking moment. It is the frustration of dedicating your life to their healing and everyone judging your parenting skills and assuming you are off your rocker.

My frustration is like the ebb and flow of the water. Sometimes, she is particularly toxic and it feels as though I have been engulfed in a tidal wave. Then, she gets it together and the water is gone. I feel peaceful and serene. I truly think in these times, God gives me the gift of memory loss.

I am not sure if anyone else ever feels this way. When she is raging, I feel as though I could drown and that it can never get better. She overwhelms me with her rage. But when we are in our good times, I am able to sit back and see the bigger picture. God grants me the grace to "forget". Of course, I don't really forget. I know what has happened and I remember how painful it was. But I am able to let go of it and I allow myself to feel HOPE again!

During Attachment Therapy, they always encouraged Cuddle Time. A time when I am supposed to hold Rose like an infant. It creates intimacy between us. She fights it most of the time. She is rigid or screams till she goes limp from exhaustion. The only time I can coax her into it is when I bribe her with M&M's or pudding or a sippy cup of chocolate milk. Otherwise, there is no gain for her.

In the past, the only time she asked for cuddle time was when she knew we had a good snack I might ply her with. And she only wanted it for as long as she thought I wanted to get her something she wanted. Needless to say, this constant manipulation makes me less than thrilled when she approaches me. My issue not hers. But still it strains the situation sometimes.

Then the water goes back out to sea and she asks me tonight for cuddle time. She had already had snack. I said yes. She laid on my lap and snuggled very close to me. She looked in my eyes and she was less rigid than usual. She never asked for a goodie. She held me close and she felt so very close to human. (does that make sense?) A little victory. Small but powerful.

These are the times that I know we can keep going. We can keep trying to create a healed family. We aren't going to be a war zone forever. Thank you, God, for my renewed hope!

Her therapist is gone for two weeks to get married and go on a honeymoon. Really, is this fair? She did offer to take me with her so I could have a break. As tempting as a trip to Hawaii is, it would be a romance killer for her. The hubby won't be so thrilled. =)

Have a great night and Be Well.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Not Quite There...But a Good Start

Last Saturday, my friend had a yard sale. It was like five families. She had a hot dog steamer and offered to let the girls have a hot dog stand. So being the ambitious mom full of dreams that I am, I suggested that we sell baked goods, too. Then why stop there....We would donate 50% of the proceeds to a local charity.

We chose a local charity named Warmer Winters, that knits/crochets clothing, blankets and toys for the local homeless and poor. They also teach them how to knit and crochet, so that they have a skill to also provide for themselves.

Well, Marie decided to donate her half of the proceeds also so we donated all of our proceeds from our stand to WW. We actually did very well so I was very proud of Marie. Rose had been sick that day so she wasn't able to help. She did help me package all of the baked goods a few days before. My husband did the hot dog and ice runs to the local grocery store....soooo it was really a family project.

Yesterday the woman that runs WW invited us to visit their location. We brought her the check and saw all of the wonderful clothing that is waiting for those who need it. What a neat experience and the woman was truly touched by the donation. She offered to have the girls come to their next knitting night so that she could show them how to knit.

She took her picture with the girls, gave them each a pin to wear and warmly hugged them. She was truly appreciative. My husband and I were truly moved by what they are doing. She gave us local statistics about poverty and homelessness. Marie was also touched by the experience.

We went out to the car and asked the girls what they thought. Marie thought it was neat that they made all of the clothing that they had(over 800 pieces so far) and wanted to learn how to knit so she could help them. Rose said...."it was nice but I wish that they had offered to let us have something"

I laughed, what else could I do? The lesson was there....just didn't quite connect....

That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Be Well!