Can you believe I haven't been on here since January....I am a blog loser! I miss you guys...I have developed a fairly sick addiction to Facebook....My new mistress....So please forgive me that I have been so neglectful to you...my dear friends!
Many things have changed....yet is all still the same....Does that make sense? I don't even know where to begin..Perhaps as I get back into the swing of my blog I will go backwards but today I will stay where I am....In the present.
Marie really struggling right now. She doesn't seem to be able to get out of her own mind these days. I don't know what is going on in her head. She is keeping it very close to her heart. She had a really extreme rage last weds. And yesterday she attempted to spin so far out of control that we would hospitalize her. Thank God for my parents. They swooped in to provide her a place to get things a little clearer in her mind.
She has requested contact with her birth mother. We have had two phone calls that seem to go well. B-mom has done an excellent job at being appropriate and nurturing....Which is a wonderful change from the early years. As much as she feels she needs this contact, it is bringing up a lot of mixed feeling for her. Which I completely understand. The rush of emotion must be so hard for her young mind to wrap around. We are plugging along though...Just plugging along...What else can we do but deal with it! It breaks my heart to watch her struggle like this...I just want to make it all better.....
I don't dare say what I am about to say....because I know the pendulum will again swing the other way....And I will come to you begging for your shoulder....She is doing good....I mean she has a fiesty personality....so she is always a smidge difficult and she loves to see if she can piss me off...(please forgive my language) but for the most part...she is making good choices...She hasn't flown off the handle. She has been able to take a deep breath and accept no....Although she still thinks that the seatbelt wants to boss her around because she has to wear it....lol ....no lie....And the added benefit is that I can tolerate cuddling with her. We aren't at war...we have a peace between us....which is amazing....three and a half years for this....But I have to say....I love every minute of it!
So here is where I am....I am learning to be grateful for my life. I am continually learning that there is hope and goodness in everything that happens....AND I am also learning to be patient....and quiet...You have to be quiet sometimes to hear the good that is happening.....I forget this...ALOT!