Thursday, June 12, 2008
Fixes....I love fixes.....
Sorry that you haven't heard from me in a few days! I don't know if you know this or not BUT it has been soooooooo HOT here! Today it is finally wonderful outside and I was able to get comfortable to give you some more fantastic stuff from my brain!
Like the flowers?
I wanted to write about the best thing that has ever happened in my house.....Ok one of the best things....Jumping Jacks rock, too! (Another blog, of course!)
I am excited to discuss fixes because they work! When we were in Attachment Therapy it was emphasized how important fixing a wrong is. For kids like mine, a lot of children actually....They don't think about how their actions affect others. And a Fix not only teaches them to be responsible for their actions but that they can make amends for their negative actions.
A fix is simply something that the offending child does to (a) pay back time and/or energy of yours that they have wasted or (b) an act to show you that they are sorry did whatever they did wrong.
My youngest daughter, Rose, is a pro at Fixes! She spends most of her time doing them so she should be an expert! She is always my greatest struggle. She takes strong willed to another level! I hear the phrase " I am sorry, Mommy....And I want to fix it" at least once, usually twice a day! Fixes are not meant as punishments. They are meant for the child to literally fix their wrong action.
The biggest issue we face in our home is disrespect. With their words and their actions. Kids with loss/abandonment issues are usually control freaks. They want to control what they feel is out of control. Soooooo....when they aren't in control...they become disrespectful and the behavior becomes erratic and wild. By doing these things, they make the adults around them angry (ie, the adults get out of control) and they gain control of the situation by controlling the adult.
So, my husband said that the lecture part should end and I should share a story......I love you, Honey!
Back to why I love fixes......My little Rosie and her gift for fixes! Rose loves to do hair and nails. And at the ripe old age of ten, I have to admit she has talent. She has an eye for it. Nails are another one of her talents. She is a very serious, shy child. As a serious person, she is slow and methodical with all that she does. See how this makes her perfect for such a career. Those are all things I have no interest in. Sometimes, I even forget how special that type of talent can be.
Fixes are done to give me back time that I have wasted with tantrums and other disrespectful actions. I like my toenails painted. I like them to be pretty. I make them messy and my heels are dry and gross....So one of the best ways I regain my time is by her doing something for me that I enjoy. I enjoy my time with her when she is in good space. Added benefit...her performing her miracles on my feet. They look gorgeous when she is done.
She also likes to use minty lotions to massage my feet. I have to admit...It sounds terrible and I am sure some people might think it is beyond horrible. But it is wonderful....She is repaying my time and energy AND I am giving her loads of self esteem by telling her how wonderful she is and what a fantastic job she is doing. She leaves her time with me, knowing that she is a good kid that can fix what she has done wrong AND she knows that her mommy thinks she rocks..... And I know that inside of her, she wants to be in our family and she wants to do the right thing...and I know that there is hope for our future as a family.....
See why I love fixes? They rock!
Have a fantastic night!!!!