Thursday, July 24, 2008
Trauma and Loss
I have spent a lot of time today thinking about trauma. Trauma and loss. I am sure my sister won't mind me telling you what she said last night. She said that coming to my house is very intense and sometimes she doesn't come around for a bit afterwards because she has to recover. I did feel bad for her because it seems as though every time she is here, there is some major drama happening. I don't know whether we have so much drama that we always have an issue going on OR she is just lucky!
This morning my daughter, Rose, was upset with me for once again setting a limit and sticking to it...(that pesky parenting that I do) I explained to her that she was given an opportunity to do what she needed to do and she chose to do the opposite of what I asked and that lead to her being unable to do what she wanted to do. She looked me in the eye and said " so you are putting this on me?" My husband and I laughed so hard. I couldn't help but laugh. She was aghast that I was putting the responsibility for her behavior on her! I wasn't even sure why she was surprised by this but today it struck me as very funny.
I suppose that story really didn't have anything to do with what I intended on talking about. My mind can be such mush sometimes. Plus I don't think you realize I started writing this blog on thursday during my lunch hour and it is now ten on friday night.
I am trying to snap myself out of this muck that I feel that I have become stuck in due to dealing with Trauma and Loss every day....Hey, I brought it back!!!!! ( I deserve the high five I just gave myself) Our kids(personally and collectively) have experienced so much trauma and loss in their young lives that it just oozes out of them. Almost like (warning, gross analogy) if you have ever seen someone that has an infected wound, where the puss just oozes out. Gross yes, but it makes sense. Infected wounds need to be cleaned over and over again, sometimes they have to be dug in and that can be soooo very painful. We have to dig into their trauma and loss to really ever begin to "clean up" their wounds.
The worst part of their wounds....No one sees them but us. Which leads to judgment and well intentioned but ridiculous advice. Which leads to its own wounds. This stuff isn't fun.
Sometimes, I have to take a step back from the behaviors and really spend a great deal of time reminding myself....This has little to do with me. It has to do with her heart being sick....And though she oozes, I am there to help clean it up and heal her past.
I thought that I would share from my heart tonight. I know it isn't full of my usual humor but this is what is in my head tonight...
How can it not when my princess spends so much of her time.....driving me crazy!!!!!
Have a fantastic evening! Be well....Until tomorrow!