For anyone left in the universe of Blogs that doesn't think that you must be incredibly strong to parent a Radish.....I just want to say...You are wrong....
When any parent sees their child for the first time there is an incredible welling up of emotion. You see that beautiful child ( no matter the age of the child) and you know that it is your child. It happens to varying degrees, I am sure depending on the situation...But you do KNOW they are yours. It doesn't matter their past, it doesn't matter the way they came into this world...You just know that child is yours. You know that you are meant to be together. At least, that was how it was for me.
My youngest daughter...I think today was the first time she has truly broken my heart. She can be brutally mean when she speaks with me. That doesn't hurt me. She says, on many occasions, that she hates me. That is certainly not hurtful. She will scream that I am a horrible mother. Still no pain going on. I know that her words come from pain.
We were in the car today...She told me that she doesn't think her biological sister looks anything like her birth family...I told her that they both ook just like their birthmom. She sat back there and repeated to me that she was the one that looked just like her birthmom. I agreed. ( I hate these conversations but they don't bother me...It is something that I have come to accept. ) At this point she became angry with me for not...Oh I don't know...not saying my words in the right tone...I have no idea.....I asked her why, if she knew she looked like her birth mother, did she need me to agree with her. "Because if I look like her, everyone knows that I belong to my real family".
I know it is only semantics and I am not into the whole politically correct adoption language that everyone wants us to use in our feel good society. But I truly hate that phrase. REAL FAMILY? The real family is the family that loves you, takes care of you, keeps you safe..all of those things that we do.
Of course, I (once again) explained to her that she could use the term birth family or bio family ....but we were her real family....your real family is the family you have!....So she said to me....You aren't my real family...you are the family I have to live with ....not my real family! Ok...you probably don't see the big deal...but even in parenting a RAD kid...they usually try to lie or sucker you....She is beyond doing that....I don't think anything she has ever said has ever had the same effect.
I will be fine....This isn't the end of the world..In the grand scheme of things, it is just another blip...But Parenting isn't for cowards...and I just needed to tell someone out there....today, it sucked....=)