Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Do or Do Not. There is no try.....



The great Yoda is responsible for that quote. I personally don't have any feelings either way for Star Wars...But even if it is from a movie...I think it is unbelievably profound.

We went to the rtc today and they have decided that Rose is appropriately stable and she is able to come home on friday.

I am having many mixed feelings about this. I have not blogged much because this all has taken an incredible toll on me emotionally. I have truly sat on my butt for the last two weeks and taken the time to breathe. I haven't cleaned my house in two weeks, laundry isn't folded, and I need an oil change....Any volunteers to come help me? hahahahah....I needed the time to baby myself. I have had to learn to allow myself to relax....Which took a long time. My own defense mechanisms had been so strong that it took me a good 8 or 9 days to take it down a notch. I am a very high strung person so that is a big deal for me....hahaha....

Back to Rose coming home. When we had our meeting this morning....services available to us....none really.....beyond what we are already accessing...we are doing everything correctly....we provide her with love, nurturing,and safety....It will just continue to take time...(sigh) Hard to hear this when you feel as though the process is never complete. We love her but we find her behaviors challenging...

Back to Yoda.....I find that I fall into the "try" mentality.....I need to just do it or not do it...I am wasting my life away just trying.....

My commitment to Rose is worth more than just giving it a try....She deserves my doing it or not doing it....So I am doing it...I am committing to her coming home and our family healing....I am doing my best to make sure that happens...Trying implies I could fail...Doing implies I will succeed....Talk about power of positive thinking.....

I am convincing myself as much as I am convincing anyone else.....At least you all know I will have more blogs...I am guaranteed that this roller coaster ride will continue for a long time!...Might as well sit back and enjoy it....

Be well....

6 comments:

Sarah said...

My youth pastor always used to say, "Don't try. Die." Quit trying to do what God asks and die to yourself and do it. Much the same as your quote, but Yoda is a much cuter character! Much of our journey is about dying to our own desires and serving the needs of others. Isn't that what motherhood is about? Giving of ourselves to grow someone else.

I'm with you, and praying for you. May you DO!

Love ya!

Cindy said...

Good for you! She is blessed to have you.

Unspeakable Joy said...

i hope friday goes well and look forward to your next posts. i'm sure there will be ups and downs, but sure hope more and more ups!!

Brenda said...

My feelings have been right there with yours lately. Put one foot in front of the other and keep doing what is right...sometimes...sometimes I blow it big time. I ask for God's forgiveness and begin again. I hope the few days apart renewed you in some way. ((((((((((hugs)))))))and prayers.

Lisa said...

I love this quote. I used to use it a lot and had completely forgot about it. Thanks for the reminder.

I am so glad you were able to take the time you needed to feel a little better. It's living with PTSD and it can be so hard. BTDT got the t-shirt.
Wishing you a cyber hug!

Our Family said...

Thinking of you. We are considering RTC for our son. It is a difficult road some days!