Friday, May 8, 2009

Can't We All Just Get Along?

It is Friday afternoon and my mind has already checked out for the weekend. I am completely unproductive today. I want to keep focus but I can't. My youngest daughter, Rose, has had a horrible two weeks and I, myself, would like a do-over for the last two weeks and I love her so much....she should be allowed one also!

I would like to tell you that I have learned some valuable lesson from this experience or that I have felt peace about this situation. But I have to tell you honestly that this sucks! Sucks in the worst possible way.

Here are the two reasons this sucks BIG TIME.

1. I love my kids. I can't stand to see them struggle with their past trauma. It breaks my heart to see them have flashbacks and night terrors. It breaks my heart to see wet beds, sleep walking, hoarding, and other random anxieties reappear because of what they see in their minds. I hate to see them have to disassociate from reality and put those thick steel walls back up because they are too afraid to trust again.

2. I am human. I hate, hate, hate bad behavior. I hate tantrums. I hate spitting, biting, punching, kicking, throwing things. I hate threats against my safety. I hate threats that they will tell someone I hurt them. Remember, I am human. For a day or two I can understand logically that it isn't them that is doing this. It is their fear response, it is a result of their trauma. Then we get to like day 5 or 6 and I am exhausted....I don't want to deal in reality either....

So then we begin to fall apart....See this sucks...

So when you are praying tonight, say a prayer for us....Because I pray for your family, too.

Then we wake up tomorrow and it is a new day and perhaps....tomorrow won't suck as

Be Well....


PS...I hope I didn't offend anyone with the work "suck"...It has lost its effect on me, as I have heard it so much..BUT I certainly don't wish to offend anyone!


Anonymous said...

Amen sister....I am in a daze this weekend after the past 5.....we are doing things a little differently this expectations.
Lisa R
Rose Adoption Journey

Shawna said...

I will definitely keep you all in my prayers. I can't even begin to imagine what your family goes through, but I do know that you are amazing!

Dia por Dia said...

Just letting you know I will say a prayer and I am following your blog. I hate the days/weeks that I feel like you do in this post. My two oldest (ages 8 & 10)put me through the ringer sometimes. (ok, lots of times...)Then it clears for just long enough for me to recharge. Hope you are hanging in there.