And So It goes.....Part 2

I am sure you were all waiting at the edge of your seat for the conclusion of my saga...I should have some dramatic music playing with my blog....hahhaa...man I crack myself up.

I left where the police left...

I cried when they left. I absolutely broke down crying. The thought of DCF intruding into my life again, was devastating to me. I am not sure if anyone else feels this way but I have the fear that someone will call 911 or DCF because of my children's meltdowns. I fear that the judgment of others could have my children taken away from me. In reality both children would be more than slightly difficult to place so the odds of that really happening is quite slim. Our offense would have to be horrible but in my mind the possibility still exists. Perhaps it comes from the way I adopted my children. Perhaps it is their fear and trauma that has seeped into my being. Their birth mothers had their children taken from them..It isn't a normal or logical train of thought but it plagues me.

I got myself together and went to speak to my children. They sat silently in the living room as my husband paced. Everyone thinking about the two looming events...DCF investigating and going to Court. Deep breath! Deep Breath! I explained to Marie that we were angry at the turn of events but we were still her parents, we still loved her, we were still going to keep her safe and most of all our commitment to her remained the same. We explained to Rose that we hoped she learned a valuable lesson from Marie's choices and that she didn't want to make the same choices....

The next day...everyone had calmed down for the most part. Marie came to lay with me in my bed and to cuddle. She has spent a great deal of time over the last month needing comfort from me. Which is a good thing that has come out of this. Rose came to lay with us also. When she saw that I was comforting Marie, she began to whine that she was in a great deal of pain where Marie had hit her and that she may have a broken bone. I have to be honest, I was not very impressed with her. I was actually quite angry. I had to breath and close my eyes. The fact of the matter was that she was fine. I had extensively checked her over the day before. I made sure she was ok and now to get her own needs met she was already trying to manipulate to her own end.

I struggle a great deal with the fine line between showing comfort and nurturing them and coddling them. They need my love and my patience but they also need to learn to find positive ways to deal with anger and loneliness. My two children constantly battle for position with me. If I show kindness to one the other feels great rejection and vice versa. I have slowly learned I can't please everyone...I can only be the best mom I can be and the rest they have to figure out on their own.

We are always growing and learning new things. We have to adjust our thinking and our game plan to what is happening in our home. My husband is very rigid so this has been a constant struggle for him. He has really learned to go with the flow. We have really become a stronger couple by dealing with all of this drama. I feel bad for those around us. It must be frustrating for those who want to be part of our family and we cancel plans constantly, we change plans at the last minute constantly, we just plain aren't very reliable to have fun with. I feel bad that it can be disappointing but my children are most important and I have to make decisions based on where they are.

This isn't what I planned on talking about....Such is life....

Just so you know....DCF screened our case out...no investigation and the Clerk Magistrate dismissed all charges, as though we were never there....Life is getting back to normal now....

Well OUR normal....

Happy 4th of July!

Be Well.....K