Friday, August 28, 2009

Wishing My Life Away.

Hmmmmm....((( long sigh))) I am ashamed to say this but I wish most of my life away. I want to be the one that siezes every opportunity I have to have every experience I can possibly have but I am not that person.

I used to be the person that was always up for an adventure....I didn't plan the adventures but I was always willing to try new things. I loved going out and hanging with my friends. I hated being home alone and without something to do.

Then I became a parent. A parent of RADlings....And it seems as though this has all changed. And I don't by any stretch mean this negatively. In some respects it feels negative but it isn't a negative thing. I love, love, love, love my children. I would never, ever trade them in for the world. (although sometimes I do have a daydream about doing just that) But my life has been completely and utterly changed by my children.

I am richly blessed with my family. I have been taught many lessons by my children. Lessons many adults never learn. I have learned a higher level of compassion. I have learned that I am so much stronger than I could have ever imagined. I have learned that there are so many things that seem unsurmountable, that really in the grand scheme of life, are really simply little blips on our paths. I have learned that parenting isn't easy. It is a full contact, time consuming, heart breaking, honorable, and unimaginably rewarding FULL TIME job. I have learned the unconditional love is the only type of love that I can give my children. I have learned that God had a greater purpose for my life than wealth and status. (and no there is nothing wrong with either of those things. Both are wonderful to have...though not on my path) I have learned that I am a great mother!

I have also learned that abuse sucks! Abuse can infiltrate every aspect of not just the abused person's life but the lives of those that love them. I have learned that neglect is just as a powerful. I have learned that matching socks are funny not embarassing. I have learned that my daughter's like to mess with adults that feel that they must always correct them. I have learned life isn't black and white. I have learned that I can still love someone who doesn't love me. I can forgive and forgive and forgive and love and love and love still. (remind you of anyone?)

what does this have to anything?

Not sure...Oh yes....Wishing....Hoping and Dreaming....

Raising Radlings is an adventure. It is also time consuming and everything changes on a dime. You can be on cloud 9 and three seconds later....you feel the heat of Hell near you.

In January, I wish for February. Before Holidays I wish for after Holidays. Before Birthays I wish for after Birthdays. School ends and I am ready for the second week already....See my pattern?

I am always wishing for the Quiet, Peaceful times to come. I am learning a new lesson now. Stop wishing life away.

I accept life with all of its bumps and bruises. I want to allow myself the ability to embrace the here and now....No more wishing it away...Just living my life... Am I making sense?

I think I meandered to far today in the blog BUT no more wishes...

Dreaming of peace and harmony!

K

1 comment:

Christine said...

It is okay to feel this way. Parenting is hard. Lifting you up in prayer today.