Monday, July 21, 2008

Jerking My Chain!



Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder like to be in control. Not just in control of one thing or another but in control of EVERYTHING. Which,friends, doesn't work out when the mommy is also a control freak. I have had to learn that not every battle is worth fighting. Some things it is ok for my RAD kid to control. The key is more how I remain in control...Even if it is secretly (yes i am twirling my devilishly long mustache as I say that with my evil laugh)

Tonight was just one of those great nights....Controllllllll.....Today was therapy day....Everybody was on board and participated...Sooooo guess what we had Chinese food! Bonus points. Actually they got to go to the Mall to have Chinese food at the food court. I met them there after work so we had two cars. So Marie had been on a little trip with her grandfather and as all Grampy's do...he slipped her his change....Five bucks! Grandpa rocks, right? So I felt bad so I slipped Rose two dollars....Well she tried to convince Marie that it wasn't fair that she had more money and that maybe Marie would feel better if she shared her money with Rose so it would be equal.

Finally, Marie said ..."uh no.....not falling for that again!" Rose handed me her money and apologized that she wasn't able to spend such a small amount of money....hahaha...um was I supposed to feel bad that she didn't spend it...hahahha...still laughing here! Folks...first clue.....foreshadowing.....

Rose HAS to go to camp...She has a hard time when she doesn't have a structured day.So the only way that is guaranteed during the summer is camp. She has this thing where she wants the world to see her as perfect, she behaves unbelievably well in public places. So camp is a good match for her.

Marie is more of a free spirit and although consistency is wonderful for her, she doesn't usually like to be involved in things that are too organized. She is able to amuse herself and does well in a go with the flow kind of situation...She is very much a free spirit....

So tomorrow is my day off. I am taking Marie for a treat tomorrow and we are going to the movies. We are going to see "Mama Mia". Rose heard. second clue....

When we went out to the cars, Rose ran and jumped into hubby's car. Marie hung back and got into my car.....the Trifecta for trouble.......

When we got home...Rose announced that she had a bad headache, possibly diabetes, and that she couldn't go to camp tomorrow because she was contagious. She went to the camp nurse today for these things but insisted she didn't call me because she knew I would not take time out of my day for her....When are the Oscars?

My chain was almost pulled too tight today....she had jerked it a lot..hahaha...my metaphor isn't working right now...got the picture though, right?....

I reassured her that diabetes isn't contagious and I was fairly certain that she didn't get it over night....She also said the headache was too bad for her to shower....I do have to admit when she said that I laughed. I couldn't help it...I mean, her headache gave her diabetes and a fever AND she was contagious...Plus it was making her nightly shower impossible, too. Headaches with super powers.
That is cool.....

Some days the chain jerking is so unbearable...Today, it was humorous, even though it took us forever to get her to bed. I did tell her after 45 minutes of nonsense that since she had such a hard time getting settled in for bed...that as a good mom I would be more responsible tomorrow night and we would start getting ready for bed 45 minutes earlier than usual so we could make up that time that we wasted tonight....Funny....she was in bed and asleep in ten minutes...Am I good or what?

It is all about the control...I have to learn how to maintain control....even when she isn't looking....hahahaha....Another successful day finished....Another story shared....Life is good....

I have this book that I believe is called 99 Ways to Drive Your Kids Sane. I will get the exact name and share it...Great Ideas for dealing with some of the behaviors. It is the inspiration for some of my shenanigans..Many of my lessons are lost on Rose. Her heart is still too sick to learn them, but I hope at some point funny stuff will make an impact....What a great thing for me to teach her...Laughter is such a healthy emotional release....A Good thing to teach a kid that is so angry and scared....

I got a few complaints about this blog today and several compliments. I know that I can't please everyone with what I am writing. That is Ok, everyone has the right to their opinion....But before anyone assumes they know anything from reading this, please come live in my home for 24 hours....and you, too, will be seeking the support and love of other families in similar situations. Sometimes, you find support in the most unusual places. I love all of you that send your support and comments. I truly appreciate it...I also appreciate your blogs. I am truly blessed by God for all of you! For the record, once again, my children are aware of this blog and its content. I am proud of what I am writing and I also love my children more than anything. Nothing I am saying is embarrassing or humiliating for them. It is our life and we embrace it. Secrecy and shame are not words in our vocabulary.

Please be well! Know that I thank God for you everyday!

PS...blame my husband for my grammar errors....I wasn't done when he left for work...so once again, I published this without his proof reading....Have a great night!

2 comments:

Tonia said...

I am truly enjoying reading your blog! We adopted two children in Dec. of 2007 a girl 3 yrs. and boy 2 yrs. and have a 19 yr. old boy who has taken us on the Prodigal road for the last five years, a 12 year old son and a 10 year old girl.
I'm pretty sure my sweet three year old has some form of attachement disorder...still learning...
I really appreciate your willingness to be vunerable and real and use great humor in the midst of a hard but blessed road...I know one thing Your girls will be eternally blessed by Your commitment and love...Your great mom...keep up the good work!

Zen Master said...

Mine said the very same thing about Diabetes and a headache! I think she just wanted attention. Too funny.

We told her that was sad if she did because it would mean no more sweets and that she would need to poke her finger several times a day to check her blood sugar.

All of a sudden it was,"diabetes? uh no...that's not what I meant...stammer...stammer..I'm fine." lol

I just came across your blog today and I think it's awful people have the audacity to complain. Obviously they have no clue what we are going through.

I know for myself, I NEED to see other people going through this and how they deal with it. I NEED to know that this is "normal" for our situation.

I can't see anyone who is in this situation not appreciating the things that we share because it helps. If I hadn't shared some of the things going on in my house on my blog I would still be in the dark about my kids. A fellow blogger in passing told me it sounded like RAD and when I looked it up, sure enough.

I appreciate the people who are blogging their experiences and I hope they never let anyone try to tell them they are wrong to do so.

Thank you for sharing.