Wednesday, September 24, 2008


For anyone that doesn't actually live with and parent a child with RAD, you cannot truly understand the challenges of parenting such a child. I find that people in the mental health are quick to tell you what the issue is, duh, we live it. What we need is support and empathy. Another blog. I just wanted to thank those of you that are reading and sending your support to me.

I have spent the better part of the last five years in therapy. I have spent the better part of the last five years reading books. I search websites, I go to a support group, I do...blah blah blah blah....I know what I am supposed to do. I know what the experts say. I know why the kid does it...I know that this is typical for a RAD kid...I know I know I know....But at the risk of sounding like a doesn't change the fact that it sucks sometimes! =)

I am trying to do what I want my children to do. I am trying to enact a concept that my oldest daughter learned in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). The concept is Radical Acceptance. It means to accept one's reality. You may not like that reality or agree with what is happening...but you have to accept it. My youngest daughter is challenging. She is who she is. I must accept this. This is our reality. Together. I am not saying that I am resigning myself to allow her the ability to be disrespectful and I am not accepting the bad behaviors.

But I must accept her. I must quit hoping for things to change that may never change. During Attachment Therapy, the therapist said something that I kind of blew off but now after so many months and years...I must do....I must accept her where she is. I am learning to do this.

It must seem so weird to hear this. How can she not accept her child? I love this child. I love her and I want the best for her. I want her to be successful and have a wonderful life. But I also spin my wheels trying to change things about her that I don't like. But that isn't truly accepting her. There are things about her that are just her. They aren't her RAD. They are how God made her. I have to ACCEPT those things.

So I am learning as I continue to struggle...I am learning that I too have many lessons still to learn. I want my children to learn Radical Acceptance of their own past so that they can move forward. I must also learn that same acceptance so that I can move forward with my children.

I think it is truly a gift that as humans, we have the opportunity to always change. We can choose to change our path with every decision we make. With every moment we live, we can make things different....make things better.

Today I choose to accept this adventure that I am living. I choose to accept my daughter and I choose to accept her flaws. I choose to stick by her and continue to do everything I need to do to get her healthy. I choose to change my reactions to her behaviors...

See what a little sleep does for you? It Changes your whole view......=)

Thanks for your comments. I truly treasure hearing your support and knowing we all have common ground to meet on.

Thank you once again and Be Well!

1 comment:

Torina said...

To me, sometimes "acceptance" feels like "giving up" and that is what I struggle with. But I think I have gotten there for the most part. It is hard when you love your kids with everything you got, they take it all...and give nothing or very little back.