Monday, January 4, 2010

Revenge

I like to think that I am a good mother...I am patient, nurturing, forgiving and loving to my girls. I don't get back at them or allow myself to get so caught up in my anger that I hold onto things. I am always able to get over things quickly and without retaliation.

I just had a moment of sweet revenge. I even high fived myself even though I know there will be definite consequences with Rosie when she realizes what I have done. Yet I still feel a glorious sense of victory. You may find this juvenile so please don't read on if you can't share my sense of joy.....

We were not successful in appealing to the insurance to keep her at her treatment facility for any more time. She will be coming home tonight, despite all of our misgivings about this. The therapist at the facility tried to add time but the fact that she is accomplishing all of her goals there and the issue is with the home setting...the insurance declines a longer stay. So that is that. Last week, prior to the failed home visit, we discussed her going back to school on wed or thurs. So she had a few days to chill out.

She hates school and would rather put it off for another two weeks but she was ok with end of the week. Well after the failed home visit...I contacted the school and she is going back to school tomorrow. She will punish me for this...I know she will....But I felt such victory in something so dumb...Sending her to school...lol...i suppose if she would get with the program, I would be more lenient with her about this...But what has this gotten me with her. Her perception is that I am weak and she can control me....Which isn't the case but it makes life suck...So today....my revenge is sending her back to reality all at once. We know we will be punished for sending her there and for not giving her a party for returning and for making her do chores again....so might as well also get the going back to school punishment done at the same time, right?

These are the little things that get me through. It is a tough road parenting a child that has no inclination, at this point, in investing in our family. She spends all of her time causing chaos and hurt. My little tornado of pain. I know what is behind this, the pain and fear, but sometimes....it gets so bad that I no longer can see that...All I see is my frustration....

I got my two weeks of quiet...Back to reality now!

3 comments:

Rose Adoption Journey said...

you are a good mom. I would have done the same thing. Payback is coming for sure so hang tight!

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry. Hang in there and know you are loved.

marythemom said...

I thought you needed some sunshine so I gave you an award. Stop by http://marythemom-mayhem.blogspot.com/2010/02/and-now-for-something-completely.html to pick it up.

Hugs and prayers,
Mary in TX