Many people have wronged me in my lifetime. I am sure everyone has had countless people that have wronged them. I would have to say I have matured to the point that I have gotten over most of the crap from my past. I have done alot of therapy work through my children's therapy to free myself to get past things.
I am not perfect and nor do I do it because I am a saint or that the person deserves forgiveness. I forgive and move past this stuff because it is my soul that is destroyed. I am the person that becomes controlled by anger and hatred and I am the toxic person.
With both children having extensive trauma histories, there is alot of built up anger and unforgiveness. Granted in this case, they don't deserve any forgiveness. I spend a great deal of time processing this and teaching the girls to forgive. They don't forgive for the benefit of the other person, they must forgive for their own lives to take flight. Forgiving people frees us of our bitterness and our anger. Our lives become better. Happier....without being attached to the past in a negative way.
Teaching your children to forgive is a hard task. We teach by our example. We have to live our lives with forgiveness to teach it to our children. It can sometimes be hard because we become invested in our anger. We obsess about how unfair it is to be treated that way and that it is unacceptable to be treated in such away. But still we must forgive.
Forgiveness doesn't take the person off the hook. You must use common sense. If someone stabs you in the back or does something awful to you, it doesn't mean you keep going back for more. You aren't obligated to pretend that it didn't happen and you should never forget. If we forget...we may end up in another situation.
I choose to forgive all who have hurt me. I live a much happier life when I am free from the ropes that bind me in anger and bitterness. It takes practice and it isn't always easy but it is always been the best thing I can do. I see that as I live my life this way, my children also become more forgiving and they are able to sort through the past hurts that they have. Which brings them to healing.
I hope that we all can learn to forgive and teach our children this very powerful and amazing gift. It is a life lesson that everyone benefits from.
Please be well!